What is Sex Therapy?

Sex therapy is a specialized form of psychotherapy focused on addressing concerns related to sexual health, intimacy, and relationships. As a trained sex and relationship therapist, I work collaboratively with individuals and relationships to explore and resolve issues that may be impacting their sexual well-being. The aim of this work is to improve overall sexual satisfaction, enhance communication, and promote healthier relationships.

One fundamental aspect of sex therapy is creating a safe and non-judgmental space for clients to discuss their intimate concerns openly. Providing this space in a therapeutic setting encourages clients to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences related to sexuality without fear of criticism or shame. I am trained to address a wide range of sexual issues, including but not limited to: erectile disappointment and dysfunction, painful sex, Desire Discrepancy, sexual trauma, difficulties with orgasm, as well as concerns with one’s sexual identity among many others.

Sex therapy is not solely focused on the physical aspects of sex; it also addresses the emotional, psychological, and relational components. I explore past experiences, belief systems, and communication patterns that may contribute to current sexual challenges. By delving into these areas, individuals and relationships can gain insights into their sexuality, fostering a deeper understanding of themselves and their partners.

Communication is a key element in sex therapy. I help guide clients in developing effective communication skills, helping them express their desires, boundaries, and concerns with clarity and empathy. Enhancing communication within a relationship is often fundamental to resolving sexual issues and building a more satisfying intimate connection.

In addition to verbal communication, sex therapy may incorporate various therapeutic techniques, homeplay assignments, and educational components. These tools are designed to empower clients in creating practices that will support their growth and overall wellness.

It's important to note that sex therapy is inclusive and affirming of diverse sexual orientations, gender identities, and relationship configurations. Whether individuals seek therapy as individuals, couples or moresomes, sex therapy is a supportive space where clients can work towards their sexual and relational goals with the guidance of a trained and understanding professional. Overall, the goal of sex therapy is to foster healthy, satisfying, and consensual sexual experiences while promoting overall well-being and fulfillment in intimate relationships.

THINGS I CAN'T DO

Sex therapy is not a quick fix, it’s mindful and may be slower. It's not about judgment, shame, or forcing a specific set of values. Sex therapy doesn't involve invasive or explicit acts, and it's definitely not a spectator sport—I will not have sex with you nor watch you have sex. It's not a magic spell to transform your entire life overnight, and it won't promise unrealistic perfection. It's not a substitute for medical advice, and it won't provide instant solutions without commitment. In essence, sex therapy is not a mythical cure but a collaborative, mindful journey towards sexual well-being.

METHODOLOGY

When working with clients, I use Jack Annon’s “P-LI-SS-IT” model. This acronym stands for: Permission, Limited Information, Specific Suggestions, and Intensive Therapy. Iam trained to do all pieces of this model. Like Jack Annon, I believe a large percentage of those who have sexual concerns can be helped in the earlier stages of the model with a smaller percentage needing intensive therapy. Often times, you may wonder if you are normal. I am here to let you know, you are normal. In our work together we will dive into the individual and relational concerns you may have.

Furthermore, I use an integrative approach utilizing other professionals in necessary specialties such as a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist, Urologist, Gynecologist, and so forth when appropriate. I work from a mix of therapeutic orientations as I do not believe in a one-size-fits-all approach. I will always work through the lens of my humanity, especially paying attention to one’s attachment and family systems history. How we were cared for from the moment we were born as well as how we relate with others in our family systems informs every aspect of our humanity. I will always consider the context in which one lives as well as the larger systems at play. I will pull from several therapeutic theories depending on your individual needs. Ultimately, I will tailor my approach to best support your needs.

Finally, I am an affirming sex and relationship therapist. I believe you when you tell me who you are. I trust that you know better than me or anyone else. I hope to create a space that feels safe enough for you to show up as your whole self.

Dr. Lily Zehner is extensively trained in Marriage and Family Therapy and Human Sexuality. She earned a Doctor of Education (EdD) in the field of Human Sexuality. She has spent thousands of hours in classes, reading, studying, viewing, and learning all she can about the world of Human Sexuality. As part of her EdD studies and clinical training, Dr. Lily was immersed in an 8 day Sexual Attitude Restructuring (SAR) which expands the professional and personal understanding of the immense range of human sexual behavior, gender identities, and their expression. In doing this, you can be assured that she is educated, comfortable, and prepared to help any individuals that come into her office. If Dr. Lily does not feel equipped to help you, she will make the appropriate referral.

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